Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
well you can't waste a boner
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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