Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
