I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
