Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
