dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
