I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
