I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
