ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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