i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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