i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
