I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
