obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
