you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
