quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
