Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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