We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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