he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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