remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
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