The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
