we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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