So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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