My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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