I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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