I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
