don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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