He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
