So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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