it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
