I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
