...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
