Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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