get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
