I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
