It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
