I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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