Don't worry. I has chaperone.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
