I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
