I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
