brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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