Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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