it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
