Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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