This is not my ceiling
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
