if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
