The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Semen is not good for contacts.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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