I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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