I wanna bring you to show and tell
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
