...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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