I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
