A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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