as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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